How PMS screwed with my laundry

I suffer from PMS almost every month. Along with the physical symptoms—bloating, swollen breasts, an occasional pimple—the “condition” affects me emotionally. The go-to symptom is “bitchiness” but this isn’t typically my issue. Instead, I become sad, needy, and paranoid, and maintaining emotional health is a challenge. Thankfully, I am usually able to talk myself off the ledge by reminding myself that my feelings are temporary and as soon as Aunt Flo storms into town, I will be back to normal. I will no longer fear my friends don’t like me anymore, that my clients/colleagues think I’ve lost my touch, that every other woman is prettier, smarter, funnier than me, that my latest novel is garbage, that I will never be able to write another book, that I’m not special or worthy of love. I’ve been through it enough times over the past twenty-five or so years to know the drill: If I hide away long enough on my couch, lost in back-to-back episodes of whatever show I’m currently binge-watching, I will eventually emerge a much more upbeat and optimistic version of myself.

So, yes, I’m no stranger to PMS. But this weekend, PMS threw me for a shiny new loop by messing with my brain cells, not to mention my laundry. I’m going to tell you what happened because I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’ve been sick for almost a week with what I hope is the last of the winter cold. I had an out-of-town friend visit on Monday, book club on Tuesday, a meeting with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society on Wednesday, and a date on Thursday in addition to my day-job. Although I called out sick on Tuesday, with the exception of the date, I kept my evening plans. (The guy was sick too so it was easy to postpone.) Because I hadn’t rested as much as I would have liked and had plans for Saturday, I decided to stay home on Friday night.

Sidebar: I just realized I told my mom I was supposed to have a date on Thursday. Damn.

Back to my story. I decided to stay home on Friday night, do a little research for my next writing project, and catch up on the shows on my Hulu Queue. I figured I should also do laundry since the room would likely be less crowded on a Friday night with everyone going out and, even though it’s a pain in the butt, I’d be happy I got it over with.

On a “regular” night, here is how my laundry process should go:

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Load laundry in machine.

Wait for elevator to take me back to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and work on book

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove laundry from washer.

Put portion in dryer and bring the rest upstairs to hang dry

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and hang wet clothes to dry

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove clothes from dryer

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Put away clothes

Finish

Total time: An hour and fifteen minutes maybe?

By my estimations, by starting at 6:30, I would absolutely be finished in good time to eat dinner while watching Grimm at 8pm.

This is what really happened:

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Load laundry in machine.

Realize I forgot to bring my laundry debit cards with me (I have two cards for a reason I can’t recall and can never remember which one has more money on it so I always bring both with me.)

Curse under my breath

Wait for elevator to take me back to 18th floor apartment

Pick up laundry debit cards from coffee table

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Begin wash

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and work on book

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove laundry from washer.

Separate what needs to be line dried and put the rest in the dryer

Realize I forgot my laundry debit card upstairs

Curse loudly

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Search frantically for laundry debit cards with no success

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Search frantically for debit cards with no success

Remove wet clothes from dryer

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Begin to cover my entire apartment with wet clothes

Realize some of my clothes are missing, notably a couple of pairs of my new workout shorts

Cry and wonder why someone would steal my laundry debit cards AND my gym shorts

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Find remaining clothes in a laundry basket

Search once more for missing debit cards with no success

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Finish covering every inch of my apartment from kitchen, bathroom, bedroom/living room with wet clothes

Weep

Reheat dinner from Wok to Walk

Curl on couch with overheated dinner

Turn on Grimm thirty minutes late

Try not to ignore that my apartment looks like a clothing factory

Lament why I had to add $5 to my laundry debit card less than an hour before the card is stolen by some asshole and wonder how I’m going to get a new card

Wish I went out with my friends instead of doing laundry

Realize I might have a blog post for this week after all

Total time – two hours, most of which was spent waiting for the damn elevator.

I have to blame my train wreck laundry experience on PMS. Seriously, I spilled water across my desk at work, screamed at my computer for not responding fast enough, and felt like I gained forty pounds all in my gut. I’m clearly in the throes. The absentmindedness that caused me to misplace not only my laundry debit cards but a portion of my clothes could not be an unrelated coincidence.

I’m in no hurry to start menopause and so I gladly put up with the “usual” symptoms because they remind me I’m not over-the-hill yet, but I seriously hope my brain functioning doesn’t begin to suffer each month along with my relatively flat stomach, usually clear complexion, and somewhat healthy disposition. I’m not sure how much more I can take 😦

Has this ever happened to you?

I heart television!

I have an unwavering devotion to the medium of television. Over the past couple of weeks, my regular television shows were on a winter hiatus and sadly, the Lifetime and Hallmark Channels ceased broadcasting their corny-yet-I-can’t-get-enough-of-them holiday movies. I’m not a fan of repeats unless they are for shows no longer on the air – I can watch repeats of Beverly Hills 90210 and Felicity from dusk to dawn – and there was no way I was going to forgo watching television until my favorite shows returned. So, what did I do? Fortunately, I own a Roku device which allows me to watch shows on Hulu Plus on my television set. Hulu Plus has episodes of so many shows that are no longer on the air. Without Hulu Plus, I never would have discovered one of my favorite shows of seasons past – Fringe. I love Walter Bishop, and his son Peter was kind of a hottie! I am also fascinated by the idea of an alternate dimension. This time around, I chose Lost since I never got into it when it was originally aired. After the first episode, I became undeniably hooked and am now already halfway through the third season. I even dreamed about Sawyer last night but, unfortunately, it was not one of those types of dreams 😦 I am dying to find out more about “The Others” and “The Dharma Initiative” and whether “Freckles” will end up with Sawyer or Jack.

Since many of the current shows are airing first run episodes again and others will start soon, I will have to limit my time watching Lost at least for a while, but rest assured, I will absolutely watch the entire series at some point. In the meantime, these are some of the current shows I am most excited to get back to:

The Following – I do not believe for a second that Joe Carroll is dead. I’m just really glad they didn’t kill off Mike the way they did Deb. Word to the wise: do not eat while watching this show. It is graphically violent but very addictive!

Revenge – I can’t believe the producers resorted to giving Emily amnesia. They should change the name of the show to Revenge of All of My Children at General Hospital since amnesia is a total soap opera cop-out! But I love it!

The Black List – It’s so obvious that Elizabeth is Red’s daughter but I like their relationship. And I have a huge crush on Elizabeth’s husband and hope he’s not actually a bad guy.

Downton Abbey – I mourned the death of Matthew, but I still anticipate Sunday nights with a fervor. Lady Edith is my favorite.

Parenthood – Every episode of this show moves me. Currently, I am concerned that Julia and Joel won’t be able to work things out. I also hope Drew loses that douche bag “friend with benefits” Natalie – hate her!

How I Met Your Mother – This season is really pissing me off but I’ve already invested so many years in it and I must see how it concludes. I’m hoping it won’t end with Ted simply meeting “the mother” since we’ve known who she is all season. I want to watch them fall in love.

Grimm – I like the chemistry between the characters more than anything else. It reminds me of the “Scooby Gang” on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Another show to avoid watching while eating. Really gross!

Criminal Minds – This show is SICK and, once again, if you watch while eating, you might get sick too. But…I am riveted to my television screen.

The Mindy Project – Hilarious. I totally want Mindy and Danny to hook up already but the show would probably jump the shark if they did. The only thing that bothers me about this show is how easily Mindy meets guys in New York City who turn out to be “boyfriends” – completely unrealistic look at dating in NYC. But, again, hilarious. By far my favorite sitcom.

Castle – Nathan Fillion. ‘Nuff said.

Other shows I enjoy and watch when I’m around but don’t necessarily keep up with are:

The Goldbergs

The Millers

Marvel’s Agents of Shield

The Big Bang Theory

Law & Order: SVU

And, of course, there is the train wreck known as The Bachelor. I will admit that I skipped the first episode as the show only gets enjoyable to me when the competition really gets going. I also think I might be outgrowing it. If I hear another twenty-four year old talk about how she’s been looking for her soul mate her “entire life”, I might have to reach inside my television screen and kick her in the gut. I’d like to see a thirty/forty-something version that I might actually be able to take seriously, but I think that would defeat the purpose of the show. Oh, well.

What about you? What are you favorite television shows?