How PMS screwed with my laundry

I suffer from PMS almost every month. Along with the physical symptoms—bloating, swollen breasts, an occasional pimple—the “condition” affects me emotionally. The go-to symptom is “bitchiness” but this isn’t typically my issue. Instead, I become sad, needy, and paranoid, and maintaining emotional health is a challenge. Thankfully, I am usually able to talk myself off the ledge by reminding myself that my feelings are temporary and as soon as Aunt Flo storms into town, I will be back to normal. I will no longer fear my friends don’t like me anymore, that my clients/colleagues think I’ve lost my touch, that every other woman is prettier, smarter, funnier than me, that my latest novel is garbage, that I will never be able to write another book, that I’m not special or worthy of love. I’ve been through it enough times over the past twenty-five or so years to know the drill: If I hide away long enough on my couch, lost in back-to-back episodes of whatever show I’m currently binge-watching, I will eventually emerge a much more upbeat and optimistic version of myself.

So, yes, I’m no stranger to PMS. But this weekend, PMS threw me for a shiny new loop by messing with my brain cells, not to mention my laundry. I’m going to tell you what happened because I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’ve been sick for almost a week with what I hope is the last of the winter cold. I had an out-of-town friend visit on Monday, book club on Tuesday, a meeting with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society on Wednesday, and a date on Thursday in addition to my day-job. Although I called out sick on Tuesday, with the exception of the date, I kept my evening plans. (The guy was sick too so it was easy to postpone.) Because I hadn’t rested as much as I would have liked and had plans for Saturday, I decided to stay home on Friday night.

Sidebar: I just realized I told my mom I was supposed to have a date on Thursday. Damn.

Back to my story. I decided to stay home on Friday night, do a little research for my next writing project, and catch up on the shows on my Hulu Queue. I figured I should also do laundry since the room would likely be less crowded on a Friday night with everyone going out and, even though it’s a pain in the butt, I’d be happy I got it over with.

On a “regular” night, here is how my laundry process should go:

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Load laundry in machine.

Wait for elevator to take me back to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and work on book

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove laundry from washer.

Put portion in dryer and bring the rest upstairs to hang dry

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and hang wet clothes to dry

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove clothes from dryer

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Put away clothes

Finish

Total time: An hour and fifteen minutes maybe?

By my estimations, by starting at 6:30, I would absolutely be finished in good time to eat dinner while watching Grimm at 8pm.

This is what really happened:

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Load laundry in machine.

Realize I forgot to bring my laundry debit cards with me (I have two cards for a reason I can’t recall and can never remember which one has more money on it so I always bring both with me.)

Curse under my breath

Wait for elevator to take me back to 18th floor apartment

Pick up laundry debit cards from coffee table

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Begin wash

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Set timer for 30 minutes and work on book

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Remove laundry from washer.

Separate what needs to be line dried and put the rest in the dryer

Realize I forgot my laundry debit card upstairs

Curse loudly

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Search frantically for laundry debit cards with no success

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Search frantically for debit cards with no success

Remove wet clothes from dryer

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Begin to cover my entire apartment with wet clothes

Realize some of my clothes are missing, notably a couple of pairs of my new workout shorts

Cry and wonder why someone would steal my laundry debit cards AND my gym shorts

Wait for elevator to take me to third floor laundry room

Find remaining clothes in a laundry basket

Search once more for missing debit cards with no success

Wait for elevator to take me to 18th floor apartment

Finish covering every inch of my apartment from kitchen, bathroom, bedroom/living room with wet clothes

Weep

Reheat dinner from Wok to Walk

Curl on couch with overheated dinner

Turn on Grimm thirty minutes late

Try not to ignore that my apartment looks like a clothing factory

Lament why I had to add $5 to my laundry debit card less than an hour before the card is stolen by some asshole and wonder how I’m going to get a new card

Wish I went out with my friends instead of doing laundry

Realize I might have a blog post for this week after all

Total time – two hours, most of which was spent waiting for the damn elevator.

I have to blame my train wreck laundry experience on PMS. Seriously, I spilled water across my desk at work, screamed at my computer for not responding fast enough, and felt like I gained forty pounds all in my gut. I’m clearly in the throes. The absentmindedness that caused me to misplace not only my laundry debit cards but a portion of my clothes could not be an unrelated coincidence.

I’m in no hurry to start menopause and so I gladly put up with the “usual” symptoms because they remind me I’m not over-the-hill yet, but I seriously hope my brain functioning doesn’t begin to suffer each month along with my relatively flat stomach, usually clear complexion, and somewhat healthy disposition. I’m not sure how much more I can take 😦

Has this ever happened to you?

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Comments

  1. this is something that would totally happen to me… Until I got a car with keyless entry I would spend 15 minutes everyday trying to find my car keys before leaving my office…

  2. I feel your pain! I think this happens to all of us. Like Hilary mentioned about car keys, during Aunt Flo’s visit, they can most of the time be found in the fridge/freezer, laundry pile, and sometimes even in the car (with the car started)…

  3. This is one of my favorite blog posts of all time!!! I felt like you were describing what happens to me every month – the details might be slightly different, but the feelings and general experience are exactly the same! Such a relief to know I’m not alone. You made something that often feels heavy and depressing kind of funny, thanks! 🙂

  4. Sounds like an annoying evening, to say the least! I’ve forgotten to put washed clothes in the dryer and let them sit overnight. Then I had to re-wash them so they wouldn’t get mildew-y. I’ve also had the unfortunate experience of tossing in all clothes with my son’s pull-up, which exploded and left little silicon balls all over EVERYTHING. This happened to me TWICE!
    You should send your post to Mindy so she can use the experience on an episode of The Mindy Project. 🙂

  5. Reblogged this on Susieqlaw's Blog and commented:
    Can you relate?

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