because I’m “middle aged”

I dreaded turning forty and the unofficial entrance into “middle age.” I think I started worrying about it around thirty-seven and remember going to bed on my thirty-ninth birthday vowing to take advantage of the next three hundred and sixty five days of my thirties. I’m not sure I really did. Honestly, there is only so much “taking advantage” one can do when they work a full-time job, have professional and personal responsibilities, and the days just go by so fast. I lived the year as best as I could. I enjoyed the good times, got through the bad ones, had fun, worked hard, traveled, paid my bills, blah, blah, blah. I handled my fortieth birthday well, but I will admit to anyone who asks that it was mainly because I was dating someone and hoped he would be “The One.”  My biggest fear was turning forty and being unattached romantically. Kind of shallow, I know. But it is what it is and I’m grateful for the timing of that relationship🙂.

It’s been a few years and I still struggle with aging often. A lot of it is because of how media makes women “of a certain age” feel irrelevant. I don’t want to feel that way, but I’m easily swayed, at least if I’m already feeling down about something. At the same time, I’m beginning to accept the whole “middle age” thing. I’m certainly at the beginning of it so that’s good, right? And, really, all it means to be “middle aged” is to not be “young” and not be “old.”

I’m even able to embrace some aspects of “middle age.” Sure, I have to go to more doctors for prevention than I used to, cover my greys more often than I did a decade ago, if I didn’t exercise regularly, it’s quite possible my slowing metabolism would not bode well for my stomach and thighs, and there is a group of men out there who might not consider me good on paper merely because of the year I was born (even men born five years earlier than me). But I’m not yet at the age where I need to get a colonoscopy (cheers!), I’m not even close to being fully grey, I don’t have many wrinkles yet, my shape is more or less the same as it was in my thirties, and any man who will only date younger women or who would dismiss me based on being over 40 is not a man I would want anyway.

I also see the world in a different way than I did in my twenties and thirties.

Because I’m “middle aged” and not “young,”  I’m able to appreciate how I look now knowing I’m going to keep changing. Even ten years ago, I’d probably take it for granted.

I’m also able to understand that if a man wouldn’t “swipe right” solely based on my age, it’s about his ego and I don’t let it shatter my own. I’m not so sure I’d have been so strong in this conviction even a few years ago.

Because I’m “middle aged” instead of “young,”  I’ve been around long enough to make mistakes, to recognize that they were mistakes, and to acknowledge that they were my fault. Although looking back often makes me want to turn back time and get a do-over (it really does), it also helps me from making the same mistakes in the future. I hope I get the opportunity to use these lessons while I’m still middle aged and not old.

Because I’m “middle aged” and not “young,” I’ve seen a lot of people get sick and die. I hate this fact of getting older, but it also keeps me from taking the people in this world I love for granted.

Rather than look back and lament the ending of my “youth,” why not appreciate all the things I can still do now that I might not be able to do when I’m “old?” For example, today I run upwards of twenty miles a week. Who knows if I’ll be able to do this in a couple of decades?  I hold down a full-time job and just signed a seven-book publishing deal because my brain is intact and I’m healthy. This can change at any minute and I’m “middle” enough to know that. Today, I can go out with my girlfriends and still get hit on by men (“boys”)  in their twenties. I doubt this will happen when I’m in my seventies. God willing, I still have plenty of life in me and opportunities coming my way to make my life a great one.

A big pet peeve of mine of late is when people in my age group refer to themselves (and me by association) as “old.” We’re not old. We’re in the middle! And it’s a pretty great place to be. Let’s enjoy it before we’re old!

Editing (again)

In my last post, I announced that my five chick lit novels were picked up for republication by Henery Press, along with two future ones. I didn’t go into details about what would happen next, specifically editing. Several people were surprised that my new publisher wanted to edit five books that had previously sold well and received predominantly positive reviews, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. In fact, I would be wary of a publisher who re-released the books without first doing more quality control and making their mark—in my opinion editing is part of a good publisher’s job and a major way they earn their share of the royalties. While I love the stories I’ve created, including the characters, the troubles they get into, and their happy-ever-afters, there is always room for improvement at the hands of another skilled editor. I’ve also honed my own writing ability significantly since penning my first novels, and welcome the unexpected opportunity to make tweaks.

In truth, I’m both anxious and intimidated by the volume of revisions in my future. One of my concerns in signing with a new publisher was being asked to alter the original story lines or character’s personalities in a major way, but I was assured this was not the case and that all changes would involve developing and strengthening the novels. I’ve already received the revisions for Blogger Girl and spent most of the weekend and this afternoon working on them. My new editor, Erin, is fantastic. Existing fans of Blogger Girl might want to read the new version for some bonus scenes, including additional development of Kim and Nicholas’s relationship and more ammunition for Kim’s hatred of condescending Daneen. I had fun writing this new material and reacquainting myself with the characters.

Once I finish Blogger Girl, I’ll take a week off to work on my new book—editing is exhausting and I need a break in between books if time allows. After that, I’ll begin the edits of Novelista Girl, take another short break to make progress on my work-in-progress (again, if I have time), edit one of the standalones, work on the new book, and the cycle will continue until I’ve completed all five. The edits themselves will be hard, but equally challenging will be fitting them into my already busy life. I’m trying to focus on the end result: an even better product that will hopefully get into the hands of many more readers.

Are you tired yet? I am!

If you’ve read my books, how do you feel about these impending changes? Are you excited? Worried? If you’re an author, how would you feel about revising a previously published book for a new publisher? Would you embrace edits, like me, or would you prefer to leave well enough alone?

BIG NEWS!!!

BIG NEWS!!!!

I’ll start off with an apology: I’m sorry it’s been so long since I posted on my blog! It’s been a crazy time for me—very stressful, yet exciting at the same time! Over the last two and half months, I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety over the fate of my five novels and […]

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How much change can this Capricorn handle?

I’m a Capricorn, and one of the stereotypical characteristics of Capricorns is that they are ruled by their wallets—materialistic and money-hungry. This does not describe me at all, and so I tend to hate reading my horoscope, because while I’m looking for insight into my personal relationships, they almost always focus on my financial situation […]

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What are you afraid of?

THE ENEMY IS FEAR. WE THINK IT'S HATE; BUT, IT IS FEAR.GHANDI

  I was pretty fearless when I was younger. I went on all of the roller coasters, even the ones that went upside down! I would try almost any food and, according to my mother, liked just about everything. I auditioned for (and landed) roles in school and camp plays. I collected caterpillars and let […]

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Jealousy

When I told a close author friend recently how much I hoped all the hard work she was putting into revising her suspense novel would result in a sale to a prestigious publisher, a lucrative advance, and a spot on the New York Times bestseller list, she expressed how much it meant to her that […]

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so good, they make me better

lovetheone

As I was reading The One You Really Want by Jill Mansell, I felt a sense of dread. I didn’t fear the fate of the characters because, even though the author put them in several formidable and embarrassing situations, I’m a fan of conflict and was confident she’d resolve everything to my satisfaction in good time. And […]

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Losing it

I am not a patient person by nature like the majority of the other women in my family. A single unsuccessful drive around a crowded parking lot at a shopping center is enough for my mother and one of my sisters to lose their shit and go home without even bothering a second rotation. I […]

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Why I love constructive criticism?

Can you -show- not -tell- her

  Criticism is most often thought of as a negative. Who wants to hear that their outfit is unflattering, their singing voice is out of tune, they lack rhythm when they dance, are a horrible kisser—that in sum, they suck? As a person, I much prefer compliments to insults, and I really don’t like when […]

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Master of my own universe

These days, I’ve been actively trying to take control of my own happiness rather than relying on others, circumstance, luck, or fate to bring it to me. This post outlines two recent instances where I took action to be the master of my own universe. In this blog post, I am publicly giving myself a pat […]

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