I have decided to write a letter to Santa Claus with my list of Christmas wishes. I am Jewish, but for the sake of this blog post, I’m pretending that Santa Claus loves me as much as my Christian friends and would read my letter and honor my Christmas wishes. I have been very nice, after all.
I make no apologies for the fact that this letter is (mostly) all about me. I have not asked for world peace, the safe return of all American troops to their families, the end of hunger, no more race wars etc. If I believed Santa (or anyone) actually had the power to grant my wishes, there would be some major amendments to this letter, but as it stands, my wishes are either pretty selfish, superficial, or entirely unfeasible. Don’t judge me!
My name is Meredith Schorr. I’m not sure you would know that since I’m Jewish, but I am taking a risk that you and your reindeer will stop by my house this year despite my allegiance to the Old Testament. I’ve been very well-behaved (probably too well-behaved), a loyal and trusting friend, generous to others, a dependable employee, and I ate all of my vegetables! I’ve taken on new challenges, like putting together my own electronic appliances, attempting to expand my cooking abilities, and venturing off the NYC grid without a map. I’ve listened to my body, cutting my running due to Achilles Tendinitis instead of pushing myself. I had regular check-ups, including two trips to the dentist, several mammograms, and even surgery to remove a lesion on my cheek.
It’s been a very tough year for me – not all bad, of course – but the one bad thing kind of rendered everything else inconsequential and made appreciating the good more challenging. Although nothing can make up for the loss I experienced, the things on the attached list might alleviate some of my pain.
So, without further ado:
I really want a vinyl yellow raincoat. Rainy days are so gloomy and I know that slipping my arms through the shiny sleeves of my new raincoat would brighten my day. I’ve been looking everywhere, but no one seems to stock them aside from eBay where I keeping getting outbid despite offering up quite a bit of dough. Can you please help me out?
I can’t find my flat brown leather boots anywhere. I only bought them at the end of last winter and fear I might have accidentally thrown them out in my attempt to de-clutter my apartment. Can you help me find them? I’m not even asking for a new pair. I’m just hoping you can twitch your nose or something and make them reappear in my closet.
I’ve been talking about getting a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes for over a year. I still haven’t been able to justify the expense, but I think they’d spice up some of my outfits. Those red soles are quite sexy, aren’t they?
Speaking of sexy, I’d really love to meet a wonderful guy in the coming year. Any chance you can help me with that? I have so much to offer and my expectations are not unreasonable: I simply want to find someone whose company I prefer above all others. Smart, funny, warm, available (read: not married or otherwise romantically attached to another woman or man), attractive, trustworthy, somewhat age-appropriate, conveniently located. Bottom line: someone I truly like and can hopefully grow to love who shares my feelings. Help?
I’m kind of digging those Pandora bracelets. My interests include running, writing, reading, baseball, television, music, and wine. Those would make a great start for charms.
My apartment really needs a makeover. I spend most of my hard-earned cash on going out to dinner, maintaining my hair, and books and I know my domestic quarters could be better. My mom and I are going to go shopping for new furniture in the spring. If you can throw some good deals in our direction, I’d appreciate it.
Speaking of my mom, please keep her healthy!
I’m not asking for the dewy, youthful skin of my college days, but if you could prevent any additional wrinkles or unwanted spots from appearing on my skin, that would be great. Same thing with my body. I don’t need to look like a super model or female volleyball player and I’m not even asking for six-pack abs and toned inner thighs. I think I look pretty good. I just don’t want gravity to do any further damage for at least another decade or so.
Last but not least, I miss my best friend Alan real bad. I cry every day. Can you arrange for me to travel back in time so I can spend one more day with him, before he got sick, when he was healthy and happy? I’d do anything to see him again and talk like we used to. It happens all of the time in books, television, and the movies! (If you could swing this one, I’d gladly give up the other items on the list.)
That’s about it.
Thank you, Santa!