Patricia Mann chases happiness as the Age is Just a Number series continues

I’m thrilled to welcome Patricia Mann, author of Is This All There Is and the newly released sequel, Is This What I Want? to close out the Age is Just a Number series. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did!

I recently discovered that not only is Patricia a fellow author with Booktrope and a friend of mine, she’s a sorority sister! Yes, we’re both sisters of Alpha Xi Delta. I enjoyed Patricia’s insightful post about learning to chase happiness instead of goals.

Turning forty-six last month left me wondering if it’s finally time to stop chasing the next big high. I’ve done so much, but none of it brought the kind of happiness or sense of fulfillment I anticipated. That’s okay, because I learned unexpected lessons and am now working to find pleasure in the little things that I once saw as too ordinary or boring.

At twenty-four, I had a master’s degree on the wall, a shiny new wedding ring on my finger, and two years of teaching at a university under my belt. I felt ready to take on the world. My long list of goals to accomplish before turning thirty included buying a house, launching a consulting career, and having my first child.

In case this seems like bragging, let me share a tiny bit of backstory. I was a troubled child and teen. I did not do well in school and did all sorts of unsavory things. My Type A personality disorder didn’t surface until I was almost twenty. Extremes have always been my strong suit.

I reached every goal I set out to achieve by the time I turned thirty, yet the night of my thirtieth birthday I found myself in a deep depression. Is This All There Is? I wondered. I have so much, I should be beside myself with bliss, I thought. But I wasn’t. So, like my son’s hamster, who runs around and around her little wheel, appearing to expect some grand treat to magically appear if she just keeps going, I decided to set new goals. In the next decade, I ran a marathon, had a second child, continued to teach while also starting my own consulting business, and began working on my first novel. Not surprisingly, the title of that novel would ultimately become Is This All There Is?.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was blessed to have a loving husband, wonderful kids, and a rewarding career. I tried not to take them for granted. But I always felt this gnawing pressure to do more, to take things up a notch. Looking back, I wish I had allowed for more time to stop and fully enjoy everything in my life. Like a true addict, each accomplishment immediately resulted in the need to go after something new, searching for that greater high. At forty-six, I think it’s time to break the cycle.

On my husband’s last birthday, his forty-fourth, I gave him a card with a simple message on the front in large, colorful letters. He put it in a spot where we’re both guaranteed to see it every day. I can now admit that the card was for both of us, maybe even more me than him. It reads: Do more of what makes you happy.

Wow. At forty-six, I’m forced to realize that I kind of had it wrong. Maybe it’s time to stop doing all the things I think I’m supposed to do. Maybe my need to over-achieve and impress people was actually fueled by a misguided desire to heal the shame of my shiftless youth. None of it worked. The recipe didn’t quite turn out right. Yet, I’m left with all the ingredients for a truly fulfilling life. Really high-quality ingredients, in fact. All I need is a new recipe.

I think I’ve done a pretty good job of meeting everyone else’s needs. Now I want to start honestly looking at how to better meet my own needs.

I have no big goals to achieve by the time I turn fifty. I mainly want to do more of what makes me happy. Having romantic dinners and laughing with my husband makes me really happy. Spending as much time as possible with my kids, listening to them talk about how they navigate the challenging teen years, playing games with them and watching funny shows together is pure joy for me. Cuddling and playing with our dogs is heaven. Work still makes me happy too, but I need to stop trying to prove myself and settle into feeling confident about what I have to offer. Having fun with friends makes me so happy. I need more time with my friends. Going to lunch with my mom is one of my favorite things to do. I’m often too busy and put it off for long periods. No more. Running with my dad is our special time together and it means the world to me. He would drop everything to go more often, all I’d have to do is ask.

Last but certainly not least, there is writing. I always wanted to write but didn’t find the courage to do it until later in life. If I am truly going to do more of what makes me happy, making more time to write is probably the biggest step I need to take. Not because of a deadline and not because I’m naïve enough to think it’s likely to result in money or fame, but because it makes me so, so, so very happy.

I suppose it’s up to me to keep adding to my list of what makes me happy on my own time, rather than making this post way too long. So I promise I will. I want you to promise me that you will too. Whatever age you are, it’s time for you to do this now. Say it out loud with me, okay? “I will do more of what makes me happy.”

TIATS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My website: http://www.patriciamann.me

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PatriciaMann11

Facebook friend page: https://www.facebook.com/patricia.mann.969

Facebook author page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Patricia-Mann/325125214262516

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/patriciamann14/

Is This All There Is?

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Is-This-All-There-ebook/dp/B00J6ELEX8/

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/is-this-all-there-is-patricia-mann/1114038095?ean=9781620153581

Is This What I Want?

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-What-Want-There-Series-ebook/dp/B00OMNR6CQ/

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/is-this-what-i-want-patricia-mann/1120586709?ean=9781620155806 Author Bio: Patricia Mann is a university professor and consultant. She lives in California with her husband, their two kids, and two sweet, silly dogs.

 

 

 

 

Coming soon:

How Do You Know (December 2nd)

What if you were approaching the end of your thirties and all of the life milestones you took for granted in your youth suddenly seemed out of reach? On the eve of her thirty-ninth birthday, Maggie Piper doesn’t look, act, or feel much different than she did at twenty-nine, but with her fortieth birthday speeding toward her like a freight train, she wonders if she should. The fear of a slowing metabolism, wrinkling of her skin, and the ticking of her biological clock leaves Maggie torn between a desire to settle down like most of her similarly aged peers and concern that all is not perfect in her existing relationship. When a spontaneous request for a temporary “break” from her live-in boyfriend results in a “break-up,” Maggie finds herself single once again and only twelve months from the big 4.0. In the profound yet bumpy year that follows, Maggie will learn, sometimes painfully, that life doesn’t always happen on a schedule, there are no deadlines in love, and age really is just a number.

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Comments

  1. Christina Boyd says:

    This speaks to me. Thank you.

  2. This speaks to me too, Patricia! Be happy! What a perfect goal for all of us. I wish you much success in that regard. xo

  3. Thanks so much for including me in this wonderful series, Meredith (sis 😃). I loved all the posts. Thanks for your kind comments, Christina and Mary. I enjoyed both of your posts as well and feel blessed to be part of our wonderful writing community!

  4. Do more of what makes you happy.

    What great advice, Patricia. I read an article yesterday about finding a totem for inspiration and now I think I have a inspirational quote to go along with that totem (still figuring out what the totem is going to be – it hasn’t revealed itself yet but I’m confident it will).

    Meredith, I have really enjoyed this series of posts about milestone birthdays! Thanks for linking this one up to the November Hump Day Blog Hop. Always the last Wednesday of the month – so happy to hop along with you and Patricia this week. Cheers!

  5. I can really relate to your story. I didn’t do much in my teenage years and when I turned 18 and had nothing to show for it, I didn’t like it. So I was a late blooming Type A personality too. But I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as walking off into the sunset. No such thing as “making it”, that feeling doesn’t last long. It’s about the journey and enjoying your successes along the way. I get a lot of wisdom from the 5 Regrets of the Dying (google it). So much insight into what matters (family, friends, being authentic and courageous) and what doesn’t matter as much (working too much, seeking the approval of others). Yes, let’s do the things that make us happy, but remember that absolute happiness is always with you no matter what.

  6. Patricia I need to take this advice! Thank you for this very thought out post. I think we as women have a tendency to be this way instead of just be, at least I do. Happy Thanksgiving!

    • Thanks for reading, Tricia, and for all your support and kind words about my books!!! So happy to see you hear joining in the conversation. I love your reminder that we need to “just be” instead of thinking we need to “be this way.” Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!!!

  7. Beautifully expressed, Patricia. I’m happiest when I’m in the country in my jeans, no makeup. A pot of tea and my laptop and I’m good to go.

    • Eileen, is your heart happiest on that lake in Wisconsin?

    • Your pictures of your beautiful country adventures inspire me to slow down and breathe in the beauty all around. Please keep sharing them! You inspire me in countless ways, Eileen and I’m honored that you read this post and shared this lovely comment. A pot of tea and a laptop are glorious pleasures, I agree. But even better would be a pot of tea and an Eileen Goudge novel! 🙂

  8. “Do more of what makes you happy”. So very true, yet so seemingly difficult. Something we all need to be reminded of.

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