dumbass.com

 

I’d like to preface this post by stating that I am a pretty smart chick. I won’t claim to be a genius but scores on several IQ exams have indicated that I am “highly intelligent.” I graduated college with honors even while partying approximately four nights a week, I think certain things come easier for me than the average person and I am generally very insightful.

The above aside, sometimes I do the most lame brain things where I have to stand back and say, “Really Meredith? Did you really just do that?”

This post is inspired by something I did earlier this week. I had signed up to participate in Six Sentence Sunday. Writers who take part in Six Sentence Sunday simply post six consecutive sentences of anything they’ve written, published or not, on their blogs each Sunday. The masters behind Six Sentence Sunday centralize the participants by linking all of the writer’s websites to the Six Sentence Sunday website. In order to do so, the site requires that we provide information including the web address and title of our blogs. Sounds simple, right? Well, apparently not simple enough for one Meredith Gail Schorr. When asked for the title of the blog, I indicated that it was “Six Sentence Sunday” as that is, in fact, what I intend to call my blog post this Sunday. After I provided the requested information, I perused the list of other participants and thought it was odd that my name was not there. There were lots of other names on the list, including fabulous author and twitter friend Tracie Banister, but not my name. I checked again and saw that the list was filled with names of participants except for participant number 18 whose name was listed as, wait, “Six Sentence Sunday?” Rut Roh. Apparently, we were supposed to provide the name of our blog; not the name of the specific post. And apparently I was the only one who didn’t understand that. I was able to correct the mistake by sending a quick email but I was mortified. How did everyone else get it right when I got it wrong? DUH.

Which brought to mind other dumb ass things I have done, even in the past couple of months. Check these out:

I was setting up my bike for spin class a few Sundays ago and saw that I had put my tank top on inside out. Now, I’ve put my shorts on inside out more than once but usually on weekday mornings when I’m at the gym half asleep because the sun hasn’t even come up yet. My spin class is at 10:15.

I tried to buy a metro card using my ATM card. I couldn’t understand why the machine kept telling me my zip code was wrong. Er, maybe because I was supposed to provide my pin number, not my zip code!!

I went to deposit my royalty check using the ATM and didn’t understand why the machine said my check had expired. The check clearly indicated that it was good for 90 days and it had only been about 30. I got on line to have a talk with the bank teller. It was lunch hour, the line was long and a bank employee came around to ask if anyone would prefer to use the ATM. I told him I much preferred to use the ATM but it would not accept my check. He said he would assist me and suggested that perhaps my check was too wrinkled. My checks are always wrinkled and none had ever been rejected before, but I decided to humor the guy anyway and let him straighten out my check. I once again tried to deposit the now unwrinkled check and once again, the transaction was bounced because it expired. I gave the bank employee an “I told you so” look and said, “See? It says it’s expired and it’s not!” The employee looked at me with pity and said, “Dear, it’s not the check that is expired, it’s your debit card.” Oh.

I flooded the contents of one of my office desk drawers because I put my water bottle inside without firmly closing the lid.

I walked all the way from 44th and 6th to 52nd and 7th with my dress tucked into my jacket. It wasn’t until I walked into Rosie O’Grady’s that I noticed it. I laughed it off because, really, what else could I have done?

I tried unsuccessfully to unlock the door to my 18th floor apartment. Perhaps the attempt would have been successful had I not been on the 17th floor.

I accidentally flushed the key to my office bathroom down the toilet. I was finally given another key. I lost it.

There are so many more where these come from to which my friends and family can surely attest and they are welcome to share here. But, please, if you’ve ever done anything that seems to defy your own high intelligence quotient, please feel free to leave a comment! I’d like to know I’m in good company.

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Comments

  1. Laughing so hard right now. I’m torn on which is my favorite – it’s either the flooded office drawer or 17th floor mix up (please tell me you were tipsy).

    I know I’ve had my share of dumb ass moves…Oh! I once locked my keys in my car (in the ignition – engine running, radio blaring) and had to stand in the rain waiting for AAA. Not my finest hour!

    Thanks for sharing (and making us all feel better!) ha.

  2. I’m going to share a dumbass thing with you. In my defense I was only 9 years old.

    You know how cartoon characters step on a shovel/rake and it flies up and hits you in the face? Well, I decided to test if that was true.

    Yup! Stomped on the rake and knocked myself out cold.

    I’ve locked keys in my car. I’ve tried to open the wrong door to an apartment, hotel room, and car, I’ve also called someone being obnoxious only to find I dialed the wrong number.

  3. Everyone’s locked their keys in the car so you can’t even call that dumbass. I did it with Jared and Emily in the car. Emily was an infant. Luckily I could talk to Jared through the window. Luckier still, he was a skinny enough little boy that he was able to wiggle his way out of the car seat and open the door. And luckiest… I never got into an accident since I’m guessing a car seat he could wiggle out of probably wouldnt protect him in an accident.

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