the waiting is the hardest part

I started this blog while I was trapped on a 6.5 hour flight to Seattle, sandwiched between two people with barely enough room to extend my arm to grab my two bottles of pinot grigio from the flight attendant. (I only asked for one bottle, but the flight attendant must have taken pity on me because she said, “two for one. It’s happy hour somewhere.” Thank you American Airlines.)

 

I can’t say the flight was “bad” since I did make it to my destination alive and there was minimal turbulance, but it was not “pleasant.” Case in point: As if being in the middle seat was not bad enough, the person in front of me reclined his seat all the way back as soon as we were allowed and his head was practically in my lap the entire trip. I dropped my ipod on the floor about halfway through the flight and being sandwiched between two people as described above, could not maneuver to reach down and grab it and so I went without music for 3 hours. I ordered a sandwich, took one bite and decided it was the most ill tasting sandwich I had ever let touch my lips. I took another gulp of wine and a gummy worm and put the sandwich back in the bag. I looked down and saw that I had crumbs and mayonnaise on my leggings. I wasn’t that surprised since I’m typically a slob but upon second glance at the bag, realized it was open on both ends and each time I picked it up by what I thought was the open end, bits of sandwich fell on my lap through the other open end. It was disgusting and of course this was the one time the flight attendants weren’t walking up and down the length of the plane asking if we had trash. The man in the aisle seat next to me got up to go to the bathroom and I took the opportunity to go as well. We both walked to the very long line at the back of the plane. It seemed the flight was full of folks with weak bladders and the line took up the entire length of the coach section. I thought it was ridiculous that we were all waiting on that one line when there was another bathroom in business class.  The flight attendants must have read my mind because they eventually told those of us towards the end of the line to make our way towards business class. Of course, those behind me in the first line ended up in front of me on the new line since they got there first. I wasn’t happy about that, but I crossed my legs and hoped for the best. I finally got back to my seat and tried to sit down only to realize that my pants were caught on the seat of the guy sitting next to me. He was still in the bathroom and did not witness this spectacle but by the time I un-caught myself from the seat, I had two holes in my pants. When at last I arrived in Seattle, I had low blood sugar as a result of lack of food, two mini bottles of wine and too much sugar from the gummy worms. I was sweaty and shaking by the time I made it to baggage claim.

I write all of this to say that I hate waiting to get from destination A to destination B, especially by airplane.

 

Among other things I hate waiting for are the following:

A publishing contract.

A parking spot. I don’t drive but I have some impatient friends and family and being in the car with them driving around a packed parking lot is not fun.

The person in front of me at the ATM. Especially when she waits until it’s her turn to remove her card from her wallet, especially when her wallet is at the bottom of her gigantic handbag.

Some guy to ask me out after flirting with me and expressing interest. This is a non issue now but I’ve spent hours, DAYS of my life wondering and analyzing when some dude was going to go beyond pouring on the charm and making me think he was interested only to never pull the trigger #wasteoftime. (Twitter speak.)

My food to arrive when I am starving and grouchy.

My traditionally late friends

A drink at a very crowded bar

My bed at the end of a very long, exhausting day.

That’s not to say I always hate waiting. I quite like the delayed gratification that comes from such things as vacations, gifts of any kind, a satisfying end to a book, reuniting with people I haven’t seen in a while, and kissing and *stuff*.

Anything to add to my lists?

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Comments

  1. I feel your pain on the traveling part. On my last flight, I was literally pinned to the wall of the plane by ONE of the thighs on the woman sitting next to me. And I will never eat airplane food! That’s a really good way to end up desperately needing that bathroom on an entirely different scale of urgency 🙂

    • I once arched myself over a man who had reclined his airplane seat practically into my lap and asked him if he wanted an eyebrow wax or blackhead extraction. He hesitated for a second looking at my upside-down face, and decided that he didn’t want to lie back in my lap after all. Wise choice. My next move was going to be to hold my position and tell him I felt air sick. Mhmm.

  2. And this is precisely why I HATE flying. Only reason to fly is if the destination is worth it and my time off is limited. 🙂

  3. ACK I hate flying! RIP travel pants – a casualty of air war. Hmmm your list of waiting hate is good…here’s another:
    I hate waiting in line at the grocery store – I always get behind the problem check out. AND I hate it when the person waits for all of the groceries to be scanned before pulling out their wallet & fishing for the credit card. Like… they are somehow surprised they have to pay!

  4. OpinionsToGo says:

    Great post! I think you have the whole ‘hating’ thing down to a science. You also have the whole ‘funny’ thing down to a science too.

  5. Oh I hate flying. I know it is the fastest way to get there but I hate it all the same. I always want to just buy my whole row so I can be semi-comfortable.

    I love your list of waiting hate! I have to add I hate the wait for the last 30 minutes of work when it just seems to be one continuous minute of time standing still.

  6. I loved this Blog, and laughed out loud at the image of your ipod falling and not being able to reach it. I love the list of waiting hates, mine is waiting for the scale to go down when you are trying to lose that post-holiday, post-vacation weight gain.

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