Blogosphere Blogosphere Make Me a Match, Find Me a Find, Catch Me a Catch

In almost all of the chick lit/romantic comedy novels I write, there is a central romance and after some missteps, my main character gets the guy—maybe not the guy she wanted on page one, but the guy she eventually falls in love with, and the guy who is ultimately her best match. The closing scenes of my books always leave me with the warm and fuzzies, but as thrilled as I am for my protagonist, I am also a bit envious. Despite being several years older than all of my main characters, none of my boyfriends to date have been “the one.” As a result, I often wish I was a character in a romantic comedy so that I would know that my happily ever after was around the corner. I feel like Charlotte York in Sex and the City when she exclaimed, “I’ve been dating since I’m fifteen, where is he?”

I always make my main character work hard for her happily after ever. I don’t let her get the guy until she is truly ready for him. First she has to make her mistakes (as we all do), figure her shit out and make amends (read: character development). This is because I believe that the blessings in our life are most appreciated and most likely to be nurtured when they aren’t spoon fed to us— when we actually have to work for them. Using this mindset, I understand why I didn’t settle down in my twenties or even early thirties. I was nowhere near ready. I didn’t know myself; I’m not entirely certain I really liked myself; and my priorities were not conducive to a healthy relationship. In my twenties and early thirties, we had not gotten to the part of the chick lit book starring Meredith Schorr where I figured my shit out and made amends. As a result, I so get why I didn’t get the guy at that time in my life and I am okay with it. I don’t look backwards (much).

I am more self-aware than the average person and I am fully cognizant of the mistakes I made in the past, however, my character development has been extensive. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes and have come to terms with them. I have taken responsibility for my failed relationships and those that didn’t make it out of the gate, but, equally important, I have also realized that the failings weren’t always a result of something I did or did not do, or someone I was or wasn’t. I have learned to cut myself some slack and I now understand that I can’t control everything; that relationships take two; and not every mistake is on me. I truly like (love) myself now, inside and out, and at this point in the Meredith Schorr chick lit book, it is time to get the guy. It took me over 40 years, but I am ready (hallelujah!), and I want more than anything to find my other half.

But I can’t! In a city as populated as New York, it is beyond challenging to meet available, somewhat age-appropriate men who are looking to meet a woman to eventually commit to and yes, I have tried online dating (hate it) and other avenues. Add to that finding a man with whom I have chemistry and actually want to date and…well, you can hopefully understand my frustration. I get hit on by married men and much younger guys who aren’t at the same stage of their life, but most of the other men I come into contact with are already taken or, if they are single, they are more interested in instant gratification and casual sex and disinterested in having a committed relationship. I don’t fault them for it, but I want something bigger, deeper, and more fulfilling! I’m aware that serious relationships aren’t made overnight but I yearn to find someone who, like me, sees it as an end goal.

New York is too big, too fast, too loud, too impersonal, too much sometimes and it is so easy to get lost. There must be true “catches” out there who would love to meet a woman like me but I don’t know how to find him, how to get his attention and how to connect.

This is where you come in (yes YOU). I need your help. Do you know a man who meets the general criteria listed below?

Single
35-50 (generally)
Lives in tri-state (NY/NJ/CT) area preferably
Physically attractive and fit
Healthy

Funny
Intelligent
Kind
Interesting

If you (yes YOU) know someone who fits the above description (everything else comes down to chemistry) who you consider a catch, I would love to hear from you (or him). If your introduction leads to an actual date, regardless of ultimate outcome, I will name a character in my next book after you! I am not interested in serial dating and will only go out with someone if he sincerely interests me, so be selective! As anxious as I am to find the “the one”, I will never be with someone merely to avoid being alone.

If he requires more information about me, he can read my blogs or simply ask me. A Google Image search will bring up lots of pictures too.

THANK YOU!

There was a time, probably not too long ago, when I would have been way too embarrassed to put myself out there in this manner. Each man I have dated in the past few years has taught me so much about what I want, need, and deserve in a relationship, and the fact that I am comfortable asking for help is indicative of how ready I truly am! I vowed to write my own happy ending and I’m starting here. Why should my characters have all of the fun?

 

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Comments

  1. First, Meredith, I believe you will find that person soon. You’re a really cool woman, and the right man–someone like you describe above–will be extremely thrilled to meet you. As for knowing someone who fits the above description, I do, but he lives in Boston. I don’t know if he’s ready for dating again–he recently went through a bad breakup–but he’s a great guy, and I can talk to him if you’re interested in dating someone outside the tri-state area.

    • Thank you, Mary! For your confidence and for your offer to speak to your friend. If you think he’s great, I would definitely be open to speaking to him if he is interested and recovered from his bad breakup. Boston is not that terrible a commute.

  2. Good luck Meredith :) I just played matchmaker for a girlfriend here and they are now happily dating – I believe it can happen for you too! Keep us posted :)

  3. I love playing matchmaker. :) You forgot to add Jewish to your list. In any case, knowing that you are Jewish means that I will only be looking at Jewish guys for you. Can’t stop others from looking for non-Jewish guys, but that’s just how I like to do things. (I’d only make an exception for Chris Messina but I’d also be too selfish to let him go that easily. ;) )

  4. I’m excited to play matchmaker, Meri! Good for you – it’s important to put our hopes, wishes and desires out into the Universe! I wrote a blog post about my Man Plan five years ago and it might have worked if I’d been ready :) I’m going to be watching your progress closely and wish you all the happiness, joy and love in the world! You certainly deserve it and more. Ellie xo

    • Thanks Ellie – I absolutely agree about putting my desires out into the Universe. That’s one of the reasons I did this. I’ve got my cab light on and I’m ready :)

  5. Ruth Mancini says:

    I loved this heartfelt post Meredith. I think I’m probably in the wrong country/continent to offer any practical help, but it may help you to know that I was looking for my ‘match’ for several years, like you, and he finally turned up on my doorstep! I can’t tell you how many times I dragged myself out to boring functions, pubs, clubs and parties because ‘this could be the night I meet my future husband so I really should go’. Then a housemate moved out and I was cleaning, wearing a baggy old dress when he knocked. We both knew within minutes of me opening the door that we’d found ‘the one’. I guess what I’m saying is that it may well happen when you are not looking at all…He still looks at me and the kids 15 years later, shakes his head and says “I only came for a room”… !!

    • Thanks, Ruth. I’m always looking in my heart – it’s hard not to – but you’re right – almost every time I’ve met someone that I ended up really hitting it off with, it was not when I was “actively” looking for it – I was just being myself, doing my thing and there he was. I’m just going to continue to live my life, but figured this was another avenue to try. Life is too short and I want to share it with someone I’m crazy about. I hope to have my success story like you soon :)

  6. Natalie says:

    Aww – you definitely deserve your happy ending! So proud of you for putting yourself out there… and I feel like you have the plot of your next book too!

  7. Love this blog, Meredith! As someone who didn’t meet “the one” until I was 40, I can totally relate. Keep the faith! I wrote down what I wanted in a man and then “gave it” up to the universe. Sounds kind of like what you are doing, so I hope it works out as wonderfully for you as it did for me! Will do my part to help! xx

  8. You gorgeous, clever girl. This is an outstanding post. I’m all about the Law of Attraction. I love the playful, positive way you’ve written this. If this sounds fun, try this.

    Write a little list of your “wants” and then put it aside somewhere. Maybe look at it from time to time. Update it if you want. Then, just assume you’ll soon meet someone with many of those traits. Expect it. Have fun with it.

    No doubt, there is a guy out there dreaming about, thinking about–you. Actually, there are probably tons of them, but one special guy in particular. :-)

    • Thank you! I try to trust the universe to know the right guy for me. I don’t like to be too specific aside from the qualities I wrote in my post. For instance, “Likes baseball” used to be something I thought that was important until I realized that just because I love baseball doesn’t mean I can’t adore a guy who doesn’t care about sports – it’s all about chemistry aside from sharing the same general moral compass in my opinion. But perhaps I will try my own version of your idea :)

  9. I read this when you first posted it and meant to reply right away! I was so moved by your honesty about what you’ve learned, how you’ve grown, and what you want. Your openness to asking for help in finding what you’re looking for is beautiful to me. You are quite a catch and I’m sure your friends will be searching high and low to find “him” for you. Wish I knew a great guy in NY for you, but he’s out there. Please keep us posted… the only thing I love better than chicklit romance is real life romance! :-)

  10. susanjgoodman says:

    dear meri, you are the whole package, you deserve some very special, and for those who know someone for her, it would be a mitzvah if he were jewish too, love, mommyh

  11. Great post, Meredith! Thanks for adding it to the Hump Day Blog Hop. I hope this post leads to a date with a terrific guy because you’re a terrific girl! Super terrific. AWESOMELY terrific. If it does lead to a date, I hope you blog about your dates – wouldn’t it be crazy if an entire relationship unfolds before our eyes on your blog? Not there’s an idea for a sequel to Blogger Girl!

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