A House of Cards

I have a full plate.

I’m not only referring to my Passover dinner plate, which was very full indeed. And quite delicious. I’m referring to my increasingly busy schedule. As you know, I have a full time job as a trademark paralegal in addition to being an author. With being an author comes marketing and promotion responsibilities. Even though I have a publisher, much of that role falls on my shoulders so it’s a good thing I enjoy it. I also have a lot of friends, am close with my family, and exercising is a big part of my life. Throw in standard maintenance activities like food shopping, cleaning, laundry etc. and I’m a pretty busy chick. I’m not suggesting there aren’t plenty of people who are equally swamped or even more so, but sometimes it’s overwhelming and I long for a less active lifestyle. I covet downtime. I’m not shy or withdrawn but like most authors, I’m an introvert at heart. It takes a lot for me to get cabin fever and as a result, I often wish I wasn’t addicted to working out because running/spin classes take up a huge chunk of my weekend that could be spent just relaxing with coffee and a book or binge watching TV. I sometimes even wish I wasn’t a writer because that takes up several evenings a week along with chunks of my weekend and I struggle for time to get my errands done, especially when I have plans with friends or dates. If I removed exercising and writing from my plate, I would have so much more of that downtime I crave. BUT exercising makes me feel strong and healthy and writing makes me happy even when I’m sad and positive happiness is unattainable. So, for me, giving up exercise and/or writing is not an option and I’ve learned to balance my life accordingly.

I can't stop writing!

I can’t stop writing!

view from my run

view from my run

But lately I’m finding myself taking on even more. My dream is to someday quit my day job and write full-time. Since it’s unlikely I will ever make enough money on my books to live in the style to which I’ve become accustomed or even close to it, I’ve taken on manuscript critique/developmental editing clients on the side as the first step to increasing my writing-related income. The time I devote to this is not instead of writing, marketing, running, friends etc.—it’s in addition to.

My friends supporting me and my books!

My friends supporting me and my books!

On top of that, I was asked to join the executive committee for Light the Night – a fundraising initiative of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Leukemia is a cause very close to my heart because it stole the life of someone I loved so much. I’m having trouble saying no because it feels like saying no to Alan and I can’t do that. And I would love to support the cause to find a cure in any way I can. Accepting this additional appointment means more juggling of my existing responsibilities as well as more sacrifices to that coveted free time.

My late, great best friend and boss of almost two-decades. I miss him every day!

My late, great best friend and boss of almost two-decades. I miss him every day!

But wait, there’s more. I’ve decided to redo my apartment. I looked at it the other day and it was as if I was seeing it for the first time and I hate it. Suddenly I am determined to make it better: a new kitchen set (because mine is more than ten years old and falling apart), a new dresser (see above), a new coffee table (because I hate the glass top and can’t stand the smudges), and maybe a small desk (because leaning over my coffee table to write is not comfortable). Shopping for new furniture is another activity I will need to juggle with my writing, food shopping, friends, TV watching, editing for clients etc.

And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve told my publisher I would be interested in taking on an additional role should they think I could add value. In response to my offer, I was told they assumed I was too busy working full time and writing. I am probably too busy and I question my sanity for even bringing it up, yet I’m passionate about the book business and know anything related to it wouldn’t feel like work.

My awesome publisher!

My awesome publisher!

As you can see, I’m currently in no hurry to remove my plate of any of the above things or slow down,  but I am afraid I’m nearing my limit and something’s going to have to give. What happens when I take on even more? I want to make sure there’s room in my life for something or more specifically someone else and I worry with each new activity/interest/responsibility I add to my life, I’m nearing my threshold.  If my life could be compared to building a house of cards, what will it take to make the house fall down? I like to believe the aspects I consider vital to my happiness now is indicative of my life at this moment in time and that at such point in time my lifestyle changes, what I consider vital to it will adapt accordingly. As with most questions, the answer will come with time. In the meantime, I secretly (or not secretly) hope my current passions will lead me to the most important passion of all—love.

And I just remembered baseball season is starting tomorrow! Go Yankees…

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